Keep Your Day Job

Side quest, level 15. 80th of 102 in play order.

Quest giver: S'nairoh, Western La Noscea (X 26.7, Y 25.5).

Next: Mountains out of Molehills ›

Steps

Slay puk hatchlings.
Report to Private S'nairoh.

Journal

Private S'nairoh needs your help in the defense of Aleport.
There is a first time for everything, and alas for S'nairoh, her first taste of war comes when she has naught but a passing adventurer to serve as her shield. You are charged with slaying five puk hatchlings while she arms the cannon.
The hapless puks lie vanquished upon the ground, dead only hours after leaving the nest. It seems there are novices on either side of the ramparts today, for you found the victory all too easy. Report to S'nairoh.
The critters prove not to have been a threat to Aleport. Spilling innocent blood─albeit beastly blood─is becoming something of an occupational hazard for you.

Hidden

Easter egg The 'attack' on Aleport turns out to be a group of newborn puks. The quest journal teases both sides as beginners: the defender and the attackers alike.

Easter egg This is probably a nod. S'nairoh's

cannon partner C'mell is away. C'mell shares her name with the cat-woman of Cordwainer Smith's 1962 short novel 'The Ballad of Lost C'Mell'.

In-game text Encyclopaedia Eorzea says the puk strongly defends its own area. It also has a quick temper. It will jump at intruders many times its own size without stopping to think.

Title reference The title changes the saying 'don't quit your day job'. People say it to someone who is trying something too hard for them. Here the new recruit S'nairoh

battles newborn puks. Her real work is stopping fights.

Characters 1

S'nairoh
S'nairoh is a new private in the Maelstrom, Limsa Lominsa's forces, at an Aleport cannon. She has only seen street and tavern brawls. Now she spots enemies in the sky.

What happens in this quest spoilers for this quest

S'nairoh talks herself through arming the cannon while you fight; her partner C'mell is missing. The 'enemy' is only newborn puks, flying beasts that never threatened Aleport. She is let down: she joined the Maelstrom to fight, not to break up brawls.

What the Japanese and German versions say 3

Japanese

EN Keep Your Day Job · Mountains out of Molehills · Walk of Shame

JA 「黒渦団新兵、発奮す」, 'The Maelstrom Recruit Is Fired Up' · 「黒渦団新兵、焦燥す」, 'The Maelstrom Recruit Frets' · 「黒渦団新兵、落胆す」, 'The Maelstrom Recruit Loses Heart'

These three titles in a row follow S'nairoh's mood.

EN 'I suppose all's well that ends well. But...I must admit I was looking forward to putting my training to real use.'

JA 「なんだ、よかった……けど…………ああ、また空回りしちゃった。砲弾と火薬を取りだして、掃除しないとなぁ……。」, 'Oh, good... but... Ah, I spun my wheels again. I'll have to take out the shells and powder and clean it...'

空回り (karamawari), 'spinning idly', is zeal that goes round without result. The word 'again' makes it a habit, her refrain for two more quests.

German

Different

EN 'I'll just get C'mell and...C'mell? That girl!'

DE „Es war für mich nicht leicht, in den Mahlstrom aufgenommen zu werden. Jetzt muss ich zeigen, was ich draufhabe.“, 'It was not easy for me to get into the Maelstrom. Now I have to show what I can do.'

S'nairoh confides that she must now prove herself. In English she grumbles about missing C'mell.

Dialogue 7 lines

Accepting the quest

S'nairoh

Hark, enemy in the sky! P-Pull yourself together, private! Y-You've been trained for this─even if the only action you've ever seen has been street fights, tavern brawls, and fisticuffs over who cheated at checkers...

DE Wenn wir fallen, ist als Nächstes ... Limsa Lominsa dran! ‘If we fall, next up is ... Limsa Lominsa!’ English has her recall only street fights, brawls and checkers fisticuffs; German warns Limsa Lominsa is next if they fall.
JA ここはリムサ・ロミンサの貿易拠点だ……。 ‘This is Limsa Lominsa's trading base...’ English has her recall only street fights, brawls and checkers fisticuffs; Japanese stresses this is Limsa Lominsa's trading base.

First things first, I must ready the cannon. Now, to walk myself through the steps. Um...right! “Make certain you are with succor, for arming a cannon is no swift matter.”

DE Damit blasen wir sie weg! ‘We'll blast them away with those!’ German has her hit on the idea of blasting the enemy; English has her recite the cannon drill from memory.
JA そうか、このカノン砲で吹っ飛ばせば！ ‘I see, if I blast them away with this cannon!’ Japanese has her suddenly think of blasting them with the cannon; English has her recite the drill.

So far, so good! I'll just get C'mell and...C'mell? That girl! Always nowhere to be found when she's needed. Fine, Sarge always said to improvise!

DE Es war für mich nicht leicht, in den Mahlstrom aufgenommen zu werden. ‘It was not easy for me to be accepted into the Maelstrom.’ English has her complain that C'mell is never around; German has her recall how hard joining the Maelstrom was.
DE Jetzt muss ich zeigen, was ich draufhabe. ‘Now I have to show what I'm made of.’ English recalls Sarge's advice to improvise; German says she must now show what she's made of.
JA いや、念願の「黒渦団」に入団できたんだ。 ‘No, I finally got into the Maelstrom I longed for.’ English has her complain that C'mell is never around; Japanese has her note she finally joined the Maelstrom she longed for.
JA ここでいいところを見せて、認めてもらわないと！ ‘I have to show my stuff here and earn recognition!’ English recalls Sarge's advice to improvise; Japanese says she must show her worth and get recognized.

You over there! Adventurer, Limsa Lominsa has need of your service! Slow down the enemy while I arm the cannon. I'll be ready ere the fifth carcass is cold, I promise you!

Report to Private S'nairoh.

S'nairoh

Ready to fire! I keep my promises, adventurer─and you keep your skills well honed, I see! A moment, I just received a dispatch...

What? They weren't attacking Aleport? Well, that's...! What, we're not important enough? They were just babies? Well, you'd have to be duller than a box of hair to fly at a cannon position, times being what they are!

DE Ich kann sie getrost ignorieren? ‘I can safely ignore them?’ English has her indignant that they're not important enough; German just asks if she can safely ignore them.
JA もしかして、放っておいてもいい魔物……？ ‘Could they be monsters we can just leave alone...?’ English has her indignant that they're not important enough; Japanese wonders if they're monsters she can leave alone.

I suppose all's well that ends well. But...I must admit I was looking forward to putting my training to real use. I didn't join the Maelstrom to break up brawls, you know. And now I shall have to clean the cannon.

JA なんだ、よかった……けど…………ああ、また空回りしちゃった。砲弾と火薬を取りだして、掃除しないとなぁ……。 ‘Oh, good... but... Ah, I spun my wheels again. I'll have to take out the shells and powder and clean it...’ 空回り (karamawari), 'spinning idly', is zeal that goes round without result. The word 'again' makes it a habit, her refrain for two more quests.
DE Ach, und die Ladestöcke und die Lunten und die Zünder und die Radspeeren und ... ‘Oh, and the ramrods and the slow matches and the fuses and the wheel spokes and ... Oh dear!’ German has her list an endless string of gear to put away; English mentions only cleaning the cannon.