Hair Club for Hyur

Map quest, level 24. 137th of 180 in play order.

Quest giver: Helmhart, Eastern Thanalan (X 20.1, Y 21.4).

Next: A Simple Gift ›

Steps

Slay phurbles to obtain their blood.
Deliver the bottles of phurble blood to Helmhart.
Apply the hair tonic to Helmhart's head.

Journal

Helmhart of Highbridge could use an adventurer's assistance with a hair-raising problem.
Helmhart has a grievous physical ailment which requires immediate treatment. Slay phurbles around Highbridge to obtain three bottles of phurble blood, and deliver them to Helmhart with all speed.
You have successfully obtained the requisite bottles of phurble blood. Hasten back to Helmhart and deliver them before his condition deteriorates.
Helmhart concocts a potent hair tonic with the phurble blood you retrieved. Apply it liberally to his head, that his locks might flow forth once more.
Having applied the hair tonic to his shiny pate, Helmhart rejoices at the pleasant tingling sensation it affords. Whether it has any effect beyond this remains to be seen.

Hidden

In-game text The

blood's item text calls phurbles 'hirsute', a fancy word for hairy. So the hair cure is made from the

blood of a hairy voidsent, and each one holds less than ten drops.

Title reference The title plays on Hair Club for Men, an American company that treats hair loss. Here 'Men' becomes 'Hyur', and the client is a bald man who wants his hair back.

Characters 3

Helmhart
Helmhart of Highbridge calls out to you in a great hurry. He says he has a matter of life and death.
Claudian
What you know from earlier quests 2
- #132 Strawman Defense: Claudian is afraid of heights and talks himself through it. He says the birds stop all his research, so he gives you scarecrows to set up. When the birds are dealt with, he thanks you and heads back to work.
- #133 Scholarly Funds: Claudian hopes the Order sends help to restore old Belah'dian artifacts. He sends you with a report to Kyokyozo at Thal's Respite. The report shows the ruins hold the resting place of Lalafuto IV, and help is sent.
Kyokyozo
What you know from earlier quests 3
- #133 Scholarly Funds: Kyokyozo expected Claudian to need months for real progress. The report shows the ruins date to the late Belah'dian Era and hold the resting place of Lalafuto IV. Kyokyozo arranges more researchers and supplies for Highbridge right away.
- #135 The Perils of Pilgrimage: Kyokyozo says beast tribes and wild creatures now scare travelers away. She asks you to kill four axe beaks. Then a traveling merchant and family arrive. She thanks you and calls each visit a blessing.
- #136 Friendlier Skies: Kyokyozo gives you a petition asking Highwind Skyways for regular flights between Highbridge and Ul'dah. She hopes this helps pilgrims and trade, and she expects Hihibaru and his fellow merchants to support it.

What happens in this quest spoilers for this quest

Helmhart's problem is his bald head. You bring him phurble blood, he mixes a hair tonic, and you rub it on his scalp. He loves the tingling and says a bald head is dangerous under the hot sun.

Dialogue 9 lines

Accepting the quest

Helmhart

You! Yes, you! Adventurer! I need you to fetch three bottles of phurble blood, and do so with all haste!

Where to find phurble blood, you ask? Why, from phurbles, of course! Now hurry! This is a matter of life and death!

DE Das Schicksal Eorzeas steht auf dem Spiel! ‘The fate of Eorzea is at stake!’ English calls it a matter of life and death; German says the fate of Eorzea is at stake.

Slay phurbles to obtain their blood.

//Kill monsters, get stuff.

Deliver the bottles of phurble blood to Helmhart.

Helmhart

Well? Have you brought the phurble blood I asked for? If so, then hand it over, and quickly now!

Apply the hair tonic to Helmhart's head.

Helmhart

At long last! My friend, you're a godssend! Now, how did it go? Ah, yes─stir twice, a dash of spittle, shake thrice more, and...voilà!

DE Etwas zerreiben, ein wenig erhitzen und voilà ... ‘Grind a little, heat a bit and voilà ...’ English recipe is stirring, spittle and shaking; German recipe is grinding and heating.

Well, what are you waiting for, friend? Grab yourself a dollop and start spreading─my scalp cries out for succor! Oh, and do try not to miss a spot.

JA 何だあんた、あの「サラサの伝承」を知らねェのか！？ ‘What, you, don't you know the "Legend of Sarasa"!?’ English asks what the player is waiting for; Japanese asks whether they don't know the "Legend of Sarasa".

Ooh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

My, that tingles! Why, I can already feel my pores opening! In no time at all, I'll have flowing locks a fulm long!

DE Meine Kopfhaut brennt wie der feurige Wüstensand Thanalans. ‘My scalp burns like the fiery desert sand of Thanalan.’ English says the tonic tingles; German says his scalp burns like Thanalan's fiery desert sand.
JA これだよ、この頭皮が燃えあがるように熱い感覚ッ！ ‘This is it, this feeling of my scalp burning hot as if going up in flames!’ English says the tonic tingles; Japanese says his scalp feels hot as if on fire.

I can't thank you enough, friend. What with the sun beating down the way it does in these parts, a bald pate is a potentially fatal affliction.

DE Ich werd mir Baumschnecken-Pomade ins Haar schmieren, meinen verwegenen Blick aufsetzen und die Frauen mit meinem Hüftschwung dahinschmelzen lassen! ‘I'll rub tree-snail pomade into my hair, put on my daring look and make the women melt with my hip swing!’ English says baldness can be fatal under the sun; German says he will make women melt with his hip swing.